Q: Oh? You've heard of me?
Picard: Are you associated with the conspiracy-driven propaganda hate group found on Earth in the early 21st century?
Q: Well I must admit, I have dabbled in such things from time to time... but specifically? No.
*entire bridge crew looks relieved*
Q: But this is precisely why I am here, Picard. You can't deny that you're still a dangerous, savage child race.
Picard: Most certainly I deny it. That nonsense is centuries behind us.
Q: Then prove it, mon capitaine, through trial by combat!
*entire bridge crew cringes again*
Q: I suppose you'd prefer a mock trial and execution? I have a gibbet right here!
*another round of cringes, some shaking their heads sadly*
Q: Now see here, I'm not going to let you steal this from me!
*many of the bridge crew look visibly ill*
Q: This is ludicrous! I'm not going to let the mistakes of the past dictate my options here and now!
Picard: That's what you've gotten wrong, Q. Look at us, look at humanity, here and now. If we hadn't learned from the past, it would not be possible for us to be where are are.
Q: And now that you're here, Picard, the stakes have been raised. Are you ready for it? Humanity will endure many trials, many challenges, ones where the very fate of the cosmos rests on one person's last minute decision!
Q: The Borg, the Dominion, Section 31, Unimatrix Zero, the Pakled Incursion, Coppelius, the Temporal Wars... They all rest on one person making the right decision at the right moment in time. Is humanity ready for that?
Picard: Q, we are not here just because a few of us have learned a few new moral tricks. We are here because we came together and acknowledged that we are flawed. We acknowledged our mistakes, we put a stop to them, and we learned from them, IN THAT ORDER.
Picard: We know that we will make mistakes, but we also know that we MUST then do something about it. We prevent it from happening again, and we do right by those who were wronged. You want proof of our goodwill? The Federation has spent hundreds of years doing exactly that.
Q: Federation this, Federation that! It is HUMANITY that twists and turns. It is HUMANITY that cannot be trusted! The Klingons may be violent barbarians...
*Worf growls*
Q: But at least they know themselves. They so predictably cling to their honor more than life itself!
Q: When your precious Federation falls--and believe me, when it falls it will BURN--will you still be so righteous? Will you still be able to flex your morality without the privilege of prosperity? Or will all your talk evaporate when it's no longer convenient?
Picard: Believe me, Q, we will make the effort. Perhaps it will be one person making a last minute decision that makes the difference. Or would you condemn us based on blind conjecture and heresay, much like that old 21st century group that shares your name?
Q: *pauses, then sniffs disdainfully* Yes, we'll just have to see. By the way, Farpoint Station is a living, sentient creature being enslaved by its overseer. You might want to do something about that.
Picard: *taken aback* We'll... look into it.
Q: So distrusting, mon capitaine! Would I lie to you?
Picard: That, Q, also remains to be seen.
Q: Indeed. I can assure you we'll meet again, and you will know me all too well as more than a purveyor of cheap parler tricks.
*bridge crew grimaces*
Q: OH COME ONNNN
