Weekend Musings

Step by step guide on how to prove via SM photographs that you have embraced Class and crawled out of your Indian middle class origins and are ready to look down upon fellow Indians with that high society subtle and pretentious scoff and ‘OMG’!

Let’s go -

1. ‘The book I’m reading’ photograph isn’t about the book. It should have a frappe, cappuccino, anychino..basically any Barista level fancy stuff. Coz honestly neither you nor your friends understand or use French press or Colombian beans. An eatable, casually thrown around, but
make sure the label is visible. And it HAS to be some foreign brand of cookies, cheese, cake you picked up at your last Khan market visit and we’re saving for this photograph. Try Scandinavian brands. No one understands what’s written and everyone will assume it’s really fancy.
And all this should cover not more than 30-40% of space in your photograph. Rest should be of the ‘view’ of the localé which ‘ OMG I wasn’t even aiming at but it just came in picture’ kinda stuff. An opportunity to show your house, garden, hotel etc. Make sure the beverage is
in a big cup. Never China. That’s Middle class. Go for those heavy stone/ Earth shade ones that prove how you always prefer staying connected to ground but everyone know they are pretty costly at those fancy stores. You can also buy them from road side vendors and fool everyone.
2. Prefix/Suffix- ‘Bestest, Best ever, OMG’..ahead of everything you want to actually disassociate with. Like “OMG..this Namkeen is the bestest ever”. This will maintain your Marie Antoinette type aura that you’ve never eaten even Bhujiya Namkeen and first time you had it,
you’re so impressed. This is the grey area of ‘too classy but wanting to be simple’ you wanna continue manipulating.

3.Precise vocabulary proves you’re middle class and had to study hard to learn stuff. Stay vague an aristocratic by using few generic royal words like ‘Like,wow
cool, super’ etc etc. These add to your persona of having Eagle’s view of world and not bothering with petty things like words.

4. Relatives and non celebrity friends are liabilities. Stick to posing with and posting photographs with Celebs. If you’re going for the mature,
intellectual and classy vibe, get yourself invited to someone’s house who’s a little known in literally circles and get clicked, and then post saying ...”Oh Gosh, look at that. I didn’t even know someone was taking this picture with Somerset Maugham.” Don’t worry, people are
idiots. No one will care that even though you’re so aghast and shocked, yet you’re so keenly posting these pictures. You’re smart and keep the faith 👍

5. Mention and show wine while you’re holding those goblets in your hand in the picture. Whiskey is middle class. Scotch is
also good but lot of scotch drinkers might ask you something and then you wouldn’t know. Cognac is beyond your cognitive grasp. Hence, Wine. Add Bordeaux ahead of anything and it’ll roll. There are millions of wine brands in the world and no one can know. It’s anyway drink of
Elite and the special strata of society.

6. Don’t ever be seen around Chhole Bhature, Tikki, Aaloo Matar etc etc. You know what I mean. Photoshop the damn thing if somehow it made it into your photograph. Always have cheese platter, Kebabs, any crap that’s not Indian. The more
confusing the name, better for you. Desi lot have somehow moved past the Gates of Pasta so it won’t sell anymore as the royal food you wanna associate yourself with. Again, don’t worry. People will never guess that you eat same old dal-roti at home. It’ll stay a secret 👍
7. And finally, never miss an opportunity to capitalise on a Western holiday/Festival. Doesn’t matter if you don’t know why they celebrate Thanksgiving or Halloween. Don’t let all the education you gained from watching FRIENDS or HIMYM etc to waste by not celebrating. And the
beauty of it is, like all others like you, all you have to do it get a cake, shove a spiral candle in it, bring your face close to it and ‘CLICK’ happy Halloween/Thanksgiving/Independence day of Slovakia...anything. You can raise the bar by wearing a mask or painting your face
with white powder, making two vampire teeth and drops of blood..and you’re successfully part of the 99.99% of the cool people celebrating Halloween by dressing alike. Don’t worry, nobody is judging you for your lack of imagination. As long as you’ve managed to look like a
malnutrition affected Vampire from India during British era, you’ve made it 👍

I think this should get u started. Stop worrying coz one can see past your facade. Everyone will be fooled by your well placed but - oh my God how did this Norwegian Cheese got here - stunt. Have
faith in planning and ability to prove that you’re not part of the crowd Coz you’ve started consuming the most basic n bourgeois food of countries devoid of spices, fruits etc, n had to attack others even for black pepper.
Best wishes. Let anything you do never go unposted 👍

More from Society

You May Also Like

I’m torn on how to approach the idea of luck. I’m the first to admit that I am one of the luckiest people on the planet. To be born into a prosperous American family in 1960 with smart parents is to start life on third base. The odds against my very existence are astronomical.


I’ve always felt that the luckiest people I know had a talent for recognizing circumstances, not of their own making, that were conducive to a favorable outcome and their ability to quickly take advantage of them.

In other words, dumb luck was just that, it required no awareness on the person’s part, whereas “smart” luck involved awareness followed by action before the circumstances changed.

So, was I “lucky” to be born when I was—nothing I had any control over—and that I came of age just as huge databases and computers were advancing to the point where I could use those tools to write “What Works on Wall Street?” Absolutely.

Was I lucky to start my stock market investments near the peak of interest rates which allowed me to spend the majority of my adult life in a falling rate environment? Yup.
॥ॐ॥
अस्य श्री गायत्री ध्यान श्लोक:
(gAyatri dhyAna shlOka)
• This shloka to meditate personified form of वेदमाता गायत्री was given by Bhagwaan Brahma to Sage yAgnavalkya (याज्ञवल्क्य).

• 14th shloka of गायत्री कवचम् which is taken from वशिष्ठ संहिता, goes as follows..


• मुक्ता-विद्रुम-हेम-नील धवलच्छायैर्मुखस्त्रीक्षणै:।
muktA vidruma hEma nIla dhavalachhAyaiH mukhaistrlkShaNaiH.

• युक्तामिन्दुकला-निबद्धमुकुटां तत्वार्थवर्णात्मिकाम्॥
yuktAmindukalA nibaddha makutAm tatvArtha varNAtmikam.

• गायत्रीं वरदाभयाङ्कुश कशां शुभ्रं कपालं गदाम्।
gAyatrIm vardAbhayANkusha kashAm shubhram kapAlam gadAm.

• शंखं चक्रमथारविन्दयुगलं हस्तैर्वहन्ती भजै॥
shankham chakramathArvinda yugalam hastairvahantIm bhajE.

This shloka describes the form of वेदमाता गायत्री.

• It says, "She has five faces which shine with the colours of a Pearl 'मुक्ता', Coral 'विद्रुम', Gold 'हेम्', Sapphire 'नील्', & a Diamond 'धवलम्'.

• These five faces are symbolic of the five primordial elements called पञ्चमहाभूत:' which makes up the entire existence.

• These are the elements of SPACE, FIRE, WIND, EARTH & WATER.

• All these five faces shine with three eyes 'त्रिक्षणै:'.