When you are struggling, whether it’s problems at work, low self-esteem, conflicts in your relationships, etc, it feels much better to funnel your negative energy into blaming someone else than to confront your own role in your problems. A lot of people join hate groups because

it allows them to funnel the blame for all of their problems into another group of people while being supported by a group of people who share their beliefs and make them feel like they belong.
Many other people join hate groups because it fills their need for friendship and belonging. You don’t need to do or be anything special, all you have to do is be negative towards other people. It feels easy. Likewise, some people find it easier to make connections by putting
others down and seeing who agrees than to prove to people that they are interesting and valuable companions.
When someone new enters a group, particularly if they are in a position of influence, many people immediately begin gossiping negative things about the person because they fear how that individual will change their group dynamics. Sharing hatred toward the new person is a way
for the existing group to strengthen their bonds in defensive against the outsider.

Hatred also surfaces when people are highly insecure. Often, they’ll compare themselves to other people and when they come to the conclusion that the other person may be better than them or
possesses traits that they don’t want to acknowledge that they also share, people may speak out against that person to project their anxiety onto them

Humans desire structure and certainty in their social lives. To establish that, people naturally divide into in-groups (social
circles where everyone feel like they belong with one another) and out-groups (people who exist outside of social circles and are typically not welcomed into them). When people declare their dislike for others, it helps people understand the boundaries between social circles.
This is a powerful motivator for people to form bonds because it satisfies their need to feel connected to others.

More from Mr. Spock 🖖 (Commentary)

More from Life

1/ Here’s a list of conversational frameworks I’ve picked up that have been helpful.

Please add your own.

2/ The Magic Question: "What would need to be true for you


3/ On evaluating where someone’s head is at regarding a topic they are being wishy-washy about or delaying.

“Gun to the head—what would you decide now?”

“Fast forward 6 months after your sabbatical--how would you decide: what criteria is most important to you?”

4/ Other Q’s re: decisions:

“Putting aside a list of pros/cons, what’s the *one* reason you’re doing this?” “Why is that the most important reason?”

“What’s end-game here?”

“What does success look like in a world where you pick that path?”

5/ When listening, after empathizing, and wanting to help them make their own decisions without imposing your world view:

“What would the best version of yourself do”?

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