The SADIST Chronicles (Part I) Princeton Priya furrowed he…

“The Hindoos are sending their brats to steal my Academic Freedom! What will you do to show your loyalty!!” White Audrey hissed.

Priya quivered, her oversized ethnic jumkas dancing in fear.

She knew she must summon every ounce of outrage she had learned to perform during the last fiasco. At least in California, they were just fighting grade school kids. (I mean, those fifth graders were tenacious; they kept talking even when tenured scholars openly mocked them!)

These New Jersey rebels were full grown teenagers and young adults! They used Instagram!!

Priya FaceTimed her ride-or-die, Cambridge Karishma. They had met during undergrad at JNU.

Kitty, did you see?

I know. I know. It’s SO embarrassing . Why don’t these brats know their place? Ugh. F***ing Hindutva nonsense. Like they understand the Gita better than Memsahib, who has a PhD from Columbia. Pfft.

Right? I mean, seriously, c’mon. Who do they think they are? Like they could possibly argue with someone who cites Romila Thapar. It’s a total joke. How can anyone question Thapar!?!

But also totally problematic. They are trying to shut down critical scholarship because what, they don’t like it? This is the problem with Hindu majoritism and Hindus. They won't shut up and listen to valid criticism AT ALL. SO fascist.

Yeah and also this IS Hindu whiteness. I mean when you think about it, Audrey is actually more brown than they are. Because she’s fighting Hindutva. She's so brave.

I mean this is why Spivak says that we have to speak for the subaltern. Whether we’re at our daddy’s mansion in South Bombay or at our Columbus Circle penthouse...we understand what’s happening on the ground. Do these people even READ The New York Times?

Seriously, how many of these brats know what happened in Delhi last year. I did a three HOUR internship at the Delhi riots. It took my driver FIFTEEN minutes to find me afterwards. Utter madness. My favorite Pradas got scuffed.

Right? I mean how many taxi drivers have THEY spoken to in India !!?! EVERY taxi driver I’ve spoken to - which is at least three - has confirmed what we already know. They’re so scared of losing their citizenship, so I always make sure to tip them really well. I do what I can.

Hold on, Stanford Simran is calling. Let me conference her in.

Simi. We’re just catching up on poor Audrey.

Sorry, I’m out of breath, just coming out of a power yoga class. I know totally crazy right? These kids lying to get attention. SO pathetic.

You know what we should do? We should all wear hijabs to show that we’re anti-Hindutva and to show our support for intellectual freedom.

We could even sew a scarlet A onto it for Audrey!

Oh yeah, great idea! And if a Hindu woman isn’t wearing one, we’ll know she’s definitely Hindutva AND definitely Islamophobic. That'll shut everyone up.

Yasss! And then we just have to point and cry, “Hindutva!”. It’s a can’t lose strategy.

(To be continued...)

The SADIST Chronicles (Part I)

Princeton Priya furrowed her brow as she read the troubling communique from South Asian Desperately Important Scholars for Truschke (SADIST). The Rutgers Memsahib was in trouble.

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The SADIST Chronicles (Part I)Princeton Priya furrowed her brow as she read the troubling communique from South Asian Desperately Important Scholars for Truschke (SADIST). The Rutgers Memsahib was in trouble.

More from All

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The SADIST Chronicles (Part I)

Princeton Priya furrowed her brow as she read the troubling communique from South Asian Desperately Important Scholars for Truschke (SADIST). The Rutgers Memsahib was in trouble.