BC SOCIETY

Saved by @CodyyyGardner

$Femme Loves\U0001f49c\U0001f90d\U0001f49a$

Femme Loves💜🤍💚
@FemmeLoves 5 years, 5 months ago 540 views

Save to PDF Share See On Twitter

I’ve seen lots of people defending porn and BDSM on this website recently, and a lot of other people critiquing them for it. I feel like both sides miss something important that the other side has to say. I usually stay out of this debate, but I feel quite strongly about this.

The critics of BDSM have many things right. The fact that BDSM is used as a smoke screen by abusive men who murder their partners and then blame it on a “sex game gone wrong” should appal all right thinking people.

Pornography/ 50 shades have mainstreamed many of the more extreme practices of BDSM, including choking and anal. This mainstreaming has not brought with it any understanding of consent, or how to reduce the risks associated with more extreme practices.

This has led to young women being pressured into painful and humiliating sex acts that they do not want, did not ask for, and do not understand, without having any trust in their partner to carry out the acts safely, or even with regard to their own desires. This is appalling.

Many defenders of BDSM would agree with all of this. No really, they would. The argument is that if you are pressuring an unwilling partner, murdering people, if you are a dom who has no concern for your sub’s experience, you are not practicing BDSM, you are being abusive.

I hear many critics of BDSM argue that *they* would not be capable of enjoying pain or humiliation during sex, and therefore *nobody* would be capable of enjoying pain or humiliation during sex, so therefore any sex that contains pain or humiliation is abuse.

Leaving aside for a moment *why* somebody might be capable of enjoying those things, this argument is false on its form. People enjoy different things. What feels like pain to one person might be pleasurable to another. Think about running – painful, but pleasurable.

One person might like to have their lip bitten, another one might like a back scratch, people are different and experience sensation differently. Worth reemphasising that this does not extend to the abusive asshats we discussed further up this thread. I’m talking “vanilla” still.

People might like different types of emotional experience during sex as well. One person might like to feel looked after and taken care of. Another might enjoy emotional depth, another "letting go." Another might enjoy the conquest. There’s no one way to feel about sex.

Isn’t it conceiveable, then, that some people actually do enjoy/ get off on humiliation? Both on the receiving end of it, but also on the dishing it out end. Of course it is. But then the question is, why? And what does that mean?

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think that it’s optimal human flourishing to need to have your finger in a mousetrap, or to have to pretend that you’re being raped, in order to come. It very often speaks to trauma.

Dissociated people rubbing up against dissociated people, numbed by trauma, just trying to feel something. I was heavily into it myself when I slept with men, because I had to be, to feel anything about it at all. I used to tell people this:

“If you are wearing a blindfold and your hands are tied behind your back, it doesn’t matter what gender the person is who’s spanking you. I’m definitely bi.”
It was a tool of dissociation that allowed me, a lesbian, to engage in sex with men I didn’t like. Not healthy. Not good

There was a context, though. If you wanted to find somebody who was into that sort of thing, you had to go, physically, to clubs or parties. There was a community. That community really did look after young women too. I was warned off particular men, for instance.

Men who were new were usually taken aside and given the low down, told about consent, and boundaries, and about harm reduction. Harm reduction is HUGE, actually. Everybody is talking about choking at the moment, and it horrifies me that nobody knows about this.

If you don't know about harm reduction, look it up. The basic message is, ok, you have this maladaptive behaviour that's not optimal for human flourishing. Let's not judge it, let's look at how we can reduce the harm it does to you in your life.

So the teenager who cuts because she needs to feel SOMETHING would be encouraged to hold ice cubes instead. The alcoholic who gets in bar fights should drink at home instead. BDSM should be practiced as safely as possible, in a way that reduces the harm.

If you have to do breath play, start with a hand over the mouth and nose instead of choking. If you have to feel constricted, use your body weight/ lie on top of them. The fact that nobody is saying this in the debate is absolutely shocking to me.

Old school BDSM practitioners regard even vaginal or oral penetration, even with fingers, as being almost sacred, and not to be undertaken lightly. Choking and anal are regarded as very extreme, dangerous practices.

If somebody turned up at a club, back in the day, and said “I’m into choking and anal, and I don’t know what harm reduction is” they would be spoken to, and if they persisted, turned away. The conversation is not like this online.

Instead, anime avatars are explaining that it’s perfectly possible to choke somebody safely (no it’s not) to complete fucking strangers on the internet, when they have no clue about whether they even have the desire to do it safely. It boils my blood.

TL:DR so far – abusive men using BDSM as an excuse/ smokescreen to be abusive is bad; mainstreaming of extreme, niche BDSM practice is bad; young women being pressured is bad; none of these things are BDSM practice. Harm reduction is a great tool in any area of life.

In my view, the strongest card in the critic’s arsenal is this; why do you like to humiliate/ hurt/ be humiliated/ be hurt? Some people know the answer to this, and still practice BDSM. Others find out the answer and no longer want to. I’m the latter.

I had a very weird childhood, and my family of origin is messed up in layers, like an onion, layers of hurt and wrong and secrets and lies. I learned from them that love is suffering, and that there’s no point reaching out for love, it’ll only hurt.

I learned to dissociate, and to never say no to men. I learned that I do not have permission to explore my own sexuality, or my own identity or my needs, instead I must do what men want me to do. I carried others’ burdens.

Experimenting with BDSM as a sub gave me that permission; in short, if I pretended I wasn't consenting, it left me more free to let go of whatever I was holding on to.

Exploring more extreme physical sensations was also helpful in breaking my dissociation at times.

I don't practice BDSM any more, and it's been years since I've looked at any porn. Turns out that all I wanted was somebody to really see me, right where I am, and love me there, and make me safe.

It hurts my heart to think about that hurt kid I was.

The Hebrew word for salvation can be translated as "coming home," and in that sense, she was my salvation from so very much.

Violence has no place in my marriage or my homecoming, and whatever else BDSM is, there's no denying that it's violence.

I wish I'd never found it.

More from Society

AFP news agency
@AFP

Hong Kong protester equipment list:
- respirator (dubbed "pig snouts" in Cantonese)
- helmet
- eye mask
- heat-proof gloves
- water bottle
- cling wrap
- saline
- traffic cones
- pots and pans

Demonstrators find creative methods to battle police tear gas
https://t.co/kPeUTu9iFh

AFP graphic charting Hong Kong's main socio-economic indicators and opinion polls on press freedom and government performance

@AFPgraphics

AFP graphic showing the main equipment used by hardcore pro-democracy protesters in Hong Kong to battle police tear gas, pepper spray and rubber bullets

@AFPgraphics

Frontline first aid.

Nurses, doctors, medical students and ordinary citizens with first aid training have clamoured to join a small volunteer corps helping treat people involved in the Hong Kong protests

@AFP's Yan Zhao reports: https://t.co/uDfYkMeZJf

📸 Anthony Wallace

Pro-democracy activists kick off three days of rallies at Hong Kong airport.

Protesters hope to win international support from arriving passengers. The last demonstration at the airport on July 26 passed off peacefully without causing flight disruptions
https://t.co/jmVqtEd4M2

Jonny Best
@JonnyWorst

Academic staff at universities can't be open about the complaints against them - and most complaints of transphobia from students seem to be directed at staff. I'm just a final year PhD student, under no contractual requirement to be confidential, so I can share.

The original complaint against me was typical of the sort of thing directed at many female professional academics (and some male too). The strategies employed by my complainants are commonly used.

One of these is to perform vulnerability while behaving aggressively. Performing vulnerability is essential in order to trigger the university's awareness of its duties under the Equality Act, and establish an oppressor/victim dynamic to the case from the outset.

My complainants did this effectively. The complaint was initiated by a fellow PhD student, who joined forces with the SU. A student from the SU wrote the actual complaint. This is how it begins:

In all my dealings with @HuddersfieldUni I accepted that sometimes anonymous complaints were necessary - and that, sometimes, victimisation could be a concern. However, I have never victimised anyone. Nobody has ever argued that I have.

Advertisement

Medusa Benincasa
@SaraJBenincasa

A man just said “WHAT IS THAT?”when I walked by and then quickly yelled “IT WAS A COMPLIMENT” and then a small child said, and I quote, “Uncle Joe you can’t say that to ladies.” This boy will one day lead us all to greatness as a nation.

This is the second time in a month some dude has said something to me on the street and been shut down before I even said a word. Granted the LA version was more polite than when an NYC dude told me to smile and a lady cursed him out. People are hilarious.

I wouldn’t have been rude to either dude but wow, I didn’t even have to make the choice because we Americans are chatty.

Also I’m worried about Uncle Joe because $10 says his sister is the boy’s mom and we now know she’s not afraid to tell guys what to do.

My eyes got SO BIG and I almost laughed and Uncle Joe said, “That’s fair, my dude” to this kindergartener and I was like oh God the children will lead us.

Hollywood
@J_MoAGoGo

Overall I think Labour will be a bit disappointed with how the ‘relaunch’ has started. Labour have given themselves a mountain to climb anyway through a year of inaction but the speech today lacked coherence, purpose and distinction from the government.

Starmer is (funnily enough) making a lot of the same mistakes Corbyn made in 2019. He is listing a ‘bold’ set of policy proposals that come across as disjointed and lacking connection to Britain’s priorities.

The policies themselves were basically good, I wouldn’t argue against them. But I would cringe whenever Labour came out with spending proposal after spending proposal in 2019 without any rationale or connection to a larger economic strategy. That’s what Starmer did today.

The questions that voters will have about Starmer’s speech are the same ones that voters will have had about Corbyn’s 2019 manifesto: why are these policies your priority, how can we afford them and why aren’t we doing these already?

The first one needs to be answered by diagnosing Britain’s problems and their causes. He doesn’t have to diagnose all of them. For the purpose of today he could have picked three that feed off each other: inequality, stagnant income growth and stagnant productivity.

George Monbiot
@GeorgeMonbiot

I’ve just finished some research about the use of biosolids (human sewage sludge) as farm manure. The results will keep me awake at night.
¾ of biosolids in the UK are spread on farmland. The rules about what it can contain are not fit for purpose. Please read and share this 🧵

Biosolids typically contain a wide range of synthetic chemicals, including antibiotics and other pharmaceuticals, personal care products, microplastics and persistant organic pollutants, among them “forever chemicals”. Yet testing is restricted to a small number of contaminants.

Spreading them across the land means spreading them through the foodchain and the ecosystem. There’s plenty of evidence of uptake of many of these chemicals by crops, earthworms and other soil animals, and of large-scale antibiotic resistance developing among soil bacteria.

When soil is blown or washed off the land, these chemicals enter the air and water. Some seep into groundwater. We're likely to eat, drink and breathe them. It’s hard to say what the health thresholds are, or what the combined impact of this cocktail of synthetics might be.

Yet the issue has been wilfully neglected by governments. Regulation is negligible. Farmers in the UK are “responsible for knowing the levels of any potentially toxic elements” before spreading sludge. But how? With an on-farm lab that can test for 80,000 possible contaminants?

You May Also Like

$Em\U0001f383jipedia \U0001f4d9$

Em🎃jipedia 📙...
@Emojipedia

✨📱 iOS 12.1 📱✨
🗓 Release date: October 30, 2018
📝 New Emojis: 158
https://t.co/bx8XjhiCiB

New in iOS 12.1: 🥰 Smiling Face With 3 Hearts https://t.co/6eajdvueip

New in iOS 12.1: 🥵 Hot Face https://t.co/jhTv1elltB

New in iOS 12.1: 🥶 Cold Face https://t.co/EIjyl6yZrF

New in iOS 12.1: 🥳 Partying Face https://t.co/p8FDNEQ3LJ

Khatvaanga
@khatvaanga

Starting my 2nd thread on Sringeri Parampara. This will cover the Jagadgurus after Sri Vidyaranya to Sri Shivabhinava Nrisimha Bharati.

It is really very tough to match the brilliance and achievements of Vidyaranya. After whom came 15 - Chandrashekara Bharati [1386-1389].

The next Acharya was Nrisimha Bharati [1389-1408]. Harihara raya found a town for this Acharya - Narasimhapuram. Acharya helped the king by guiding him in political affairs. He also initiated the kind with mahamantras for spiritual development.

Subsequent Acharyas were
15-Puroshottama Bharati [1408 - 1448]
16-Shankara Bharati[1448 - 1455]
17-Chandrasekhara Bharati II [1455 - 1464]
18- Nrisimha Bharati II [1464 - 1479]
19-Puroshottama Bharati II [1479 - 1517]

20-Ramachandra Bharati [1517 - 1560]. Sadashiva Raya was emporer of Vijayanagara during this time.
21-Nrisimha Bharati III [1560 - 1573]
22-Nrisimha Bharati IV [1573 - 1576]
23-Nrisimha Bharati V [1576 - 1600]

24-Abhinava Nrisimha Bharati [1600-1623]. When he visited Malahanikareswara temple for first time he noticed there was no Vinayaka there so he took piece of turmeric and drew outline of Ganesha on a pillar and offered puja.

Advertisement

Jaya_Upadhyaya
@Jayalko1

KANIPAKAM VINAYAKA, CHITOOR (AP)
#bharatmandir

Kani means wetland and Pakam means flow of water into wetland.
Kanipakam Vinayaka is swayambhu (self-manifested). The murti is in a well which is always full of water.

Once, there were three brothers. Each one had a handicap- Dumb, Deaf and Blind. They had a small piece of land for livelihood. For their field, they drew water from a well. One day, they found that the well had dried up so one of them started digging in the well.

His tool hit something and blood oozed out. They found a swayambhu murti of Ganesha here.
Villagers started offering coconut water which overflew into a channel. Hence the name Kanipakam.

The murti is still growing in size. At present, we see the knees and the abdomen only. The Kavacham (Armour) offered to Vinayaka 50 years ago doesn’t fit today.
Vinayaka is believed to be the upholder of truth. So people come here and swear before him to prove their innocence.

$Gal Gur \U0001f1ee\U0001f1f1$

Gal Gur 🇮🇱...
@GalGur_

1/
Hello, my name is Gal,
I am an Israeli citizen, and I want to convey this urgent message to the world: Contrary to what you are told, Israel has not "returned to normal" in any way >>

2/ Moreover, despite the desire to create a setting as if there was a full and normal routine here - the Israeli Ministry of Health JUST RECOMMENDED TODAY TO EXTENT THE DECLARATION OF A “STATE OF EMERGENCY” in Israel >>

3/ to which is the foundation for coercion, violation of basic rights, severe discrimination under a "green mark (pass)", prolonged closure (Of about 5 months overall) and a lot of undemocratic and not “routine" restrictions. >

4/ If the situation in Israel had "returned to routine thanks to the astounding success of vaccines" then the "state of emergency" would not have continued.

5/ In fact, since the beginning of the "vaccination project" there has been only more intimidation and in many ways - even though the closure has been lifted, much more coercion.

$Anu Satheesh \U0001f1ee\U0001f1f3$

Anu Satheesh 🇮🇳...
@AnuSatheesh5

Agastya Muni & Kaveri River
#story
This is a story which describes how River Kaveri was brought on earth by Agastya muni. There was a king named Kavera lived in the Brahmagiri hills who prayed to Brahma for a child. He was blessed with a daughter whom he named Kaveri.

Agastya muni married her. A demon, named Shoorapadma, wanted to trouble people so he prevented rain from reaching South India. As a result famine occurred in South India.
Agastya Muni who came that way was very sad seeing this. He started to pray Mahadeva for a solution.

Shiva gave him small amount of Ganga water in his Kamandalu (small pot) and said wherever you spill this water the river will flow from there. Agastya Muni travelled lot of places to find a suitable place to pour water. Feeling tired he kept his Kamandalu and took rest.

At that time Ganesha took a form of crow and perched on the Kamadalu and made a hole that water began to flow as river Kaveri. This place is now called as Talakaveri (Karnataka), located in the Brahmagiri hill.

Tala Kaveri has temple for Agastheeswara, which denotes the story between Kaveri and Agasthya muni. Kaveri is a part of Ganga, thus, also called Dakshina Ganga.
🙏🕉🙏