Early in my career, I was given the feedback "just be careful there aren't too many women at your meetup- we don't want it to be too homogeneous", and I think about the absurdity of that statement every fucking day.

Soon after, they had the audacity to ask me for a "positive referral" for their next position.

Being a woman in tech is exhausting.
Best part? The data said otherwise.

There were way more men than women attending these events- there were just more women than usual... ya know, the whole thing companies have been trying to solve for YEARS, I had accomplished on my own, and was scolded for. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I was then told "but they're all junior + bootcampers".

Also wrong. I went through hundreds of names, 1 by 1 for hours (shout-out to @Meetup for making this difficult at the time), and most of the women were senior engineers who attended university and the men? Most self taught.
So yeah, it's fucking exhausting to be a woman in tech.

Not only do you have to do your job, but you also have to PROVE that you're doing your job.

Check your biases- they have consequences on others.
I'm very lucky- I have a partner in tech more senior than me with industry experience that I could go to for advice.

But think about how many women and other marginalized folks who don't have that luxury? I would have left the industry for sure.

Your words have consequences.
There have been several moments in my time working as a woman in tech where a man has said 1 sentence he probably thought nothing of, that made me seriously question if I should leave tech all together.

Words have impact. Think before you speak, and call this shit out.
Not to mention the added layer of being asked whose daughter/wife you are at the conference you're keynoting at 🙃⚰️ or situations like this:
https://t.co/Kac6wUkY47
I will never understand why having boobs throws off so many men in this industry. Truly- it baffles me.
Being a woman in tech is so confusing. The messaging is like "WE NEED MORE OF YOU, BUT ALSO WHY ARE YOU HERE???"
https://t.co/qFaRGPIiWb
So anyway, if you're wondering why women in tech seem exhausted all the time- bookmark this thread. 😐
Wrote this article 3 years ago, but it's still pretty relevant to my experiences today 😐 https://t.co/1praGiYU09
A great point from @PoweredbyEdG 👇 if you learned something from this thread, please help educate others, and call out this behavior when you see it (ideally in the moment- not after the fact 💙 silence speaks volumes in these situations- been there).
https://t.co/18Rn1BGBFk

More from Life

1/ Here’s a list of conversational frameworks I’ve picked up that have been helpful.

Please add your own.

2/ The Magic Question: "What would need to be true for you


3/ On evaluating where someone’s head is at regarding a topic they are being wishy-washy about or delaying.

“Gun to the head—what would you decide now?”

“Fast forward 6 months after your sabbatical--how would you decide: what criteria is most important to you?”

4/ Other Q’s re: decisions:

“Putting aside a list of pros/cons, what’s the *one* reason you’re doing this?” “Why is that the most important reason?”

“What’s end-game here?”

“What does success look like in a world where you pick that path?”

5/ When listening, after empathizing, and wanting to help them make their own decisions without imposing your world view:

“What would the best version of yourself do”?
TW: suicidal ideation.

At the darkest days of the abuse I was being subjected to I decided to attend a conference for women in Los Angeles. I convinced my mother in law to pay for it because I couldn’t afford it. @ChristineCaine was preaching. I was desperate...
1/


I wanted to die, I didn’t see a way out and I had tried everything. I imagined many ways to die daily. The most recurring one was throwing my car down a bridge I had to drive over every day. I never did it because my kids were in the car and I was afraid one of them would...

2/

survive or I’d kill someone on the way down.

Christine spoke about honoring your pastors even when they weren’t great, she spoke of us expecting too much of pastors and how wrong that was. She said God would use our testimony if we submitted to our pastors.

3/

She said “honor your pastors, God will honor you.” She said more about having disagreed with her pastors but she submitted and God honored her and now she’s blessed. How if they are faithfully serving God, we need to support them and not forfeit what God has for us.

4/

I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I got up and went to the bathroom because I couldn’t breath and I felt like I was going to faint if I didn’t scream. I now know I was having a panic attack. I sat on the toilet w/my head between my legs, breathed and wept..
5/

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दधीचि ऋषि को मनाही थी कि वह अश्विनी कुमारों को किसी भी अवस्था में ब्रह्मविद्या का उपदेश नहीं दें। ये आदेश देवराज इन्द्र का था।वह नहीं चाहते थे कि उनके सिंहासन को प्रत्यक्ष या परोक्ष रुप से कोई भी खतरा हो।मगर जब अश्विनी कुमारों ने सहृदय प्रार्थना की तो महर्षि सहर्ष मान गए।


और उन्होनें ब्रह्मविद्या का ज्ञान अश्विनि कुमारों को दे दिया। गुप्तचरों के माध्यम से जब खबर इन्द्रदेव तक पहुंची तो वे क्रोध में खड़ग ले कर गए और महर्षि दधीचि का सर धड़ से अलग कर दिया।मगर अश्विनी कुमार भी कहां चुप बैठने वाले थे।उन्होने तुरंत एक अश्व का सिर महर्षि के धड़ पे...


...प्रत्यारोपित कर उन्हें जीवित रख लिया।उस दिन के पश्चात महर्षि दधीचि अश्वशिरा भी कहलाए जाने लगे।अब आगे सुनिये की किस प्रकार महर्षि दधीचि का सर काटने वाले इन्द्र कैसे अपनी रक्षा हेतु उनके आगे गिड़गिड़ाए ।

एक बार देवराज इन्द्र अपनी सभा में बैठे थे, तो उन्हे खुद पर अभिमान हो आया।


वे सोचने लगे कि हम तीनों लोकों के स्वामी हैं। ब्राह्मण हमें यज्ञ में आहुति देते हैं और हमारी उपासना करते हैं। फिर हम सामान्य ब्राह्मण बृहस्पति से क्यों डरते हैं ?उनके आने पर क्यों खड़े हो जाते हैं?वे तो हमारी जीविका से पलते हैं। देवर्षि बृहस्पति देवताओं के गुरु थे।

अभिमान के कारण ऋषि बृहस्पति के पधारने पर न तो इन्द्र ही खड़े हुए और न ही अन्य देवों को खड़े होने दिया।देवगुरु बृहस्पति इन्द्र का ये कठोर दुर्व्यवहार देख कर चुप चाप वहां से लौट गए।कुछ देर पश्चात जब देवराज का मद उतरा तो उन्हे अपनी गलती का एहसास हुआ।