A lot of women get in touch to ask me about #coercivecontro…

Is it when he calls you an ugly bitch the first time?
Or do you wait for him to call you it again?
Or do you wait until he has so completely undermined your sense of self worth that you don’t think you can leave?

Is it when he says that no one will love you like he does?

Or do you wait until he says that no one else COULD love you.

Or that you are unloveable?

Do you leave when he says he likes women to be women?

Or do you wait until he says you are fat and unless you lose weight, he will divorce you?

Do you leave when he pushes you into the wall and then claims he lost control because you made him so jealous?

Or do you wait until you no longer go anywhere, for fear of making him jealous?

Do you leave when the abuse starts, as it so often does, in your pregnancy?

Or do you wait to see if he calms down after the birth?

Do you leave when your friends and family say you’ve changed since meeting him?

Or do you wait until you no longer see them?

Do you leave the first time he pressurises you into sex?

Or do you wait until it has become a nightly routine to just let him do what he wants because saying ‘no’ means he’ll create hell for the whole household?

Do you leave when he says he doesn’t want to live, if it means living without you?

Or do you wait until he has threatened or attempted to kill himself?

Do you wait until the children are older so as not to disrupt their lives?

Or do you wait until the children ARE older and are suffering the trauma of living in a house under siege?

Do you leave the first time he raises his voice/raises his fist/ makes you feel worthless?

Or do you accept his apology and his promise to change ?

Do you leave when you have doubts about the relationship?

Or do you ask friends and family who talk you out of it by saying that ALL marriages are difficult / you made your bed/ you need to make it work?

It’s so easy to tell someone to leave but so many situations aren’t all that clear cut.

When the abuse is *drip drip* it’s so easy to believe you’re overreacting. Abusers ALWAYS accuse you of overreacting, because it enables them to minimise THEIR abuse and blame YOU.