A dark cloud has descended, cloaking everything in gray.

It isn’t just me.

One of my colleagues, Tony Alvarado (@TexasKidneyDoc), is one of the most upbeat and outgoing people I know.

Now he’s quiet.

His trademark smile is faint, and the light has faded in his eyes. 1/

Tony texted me the other day.

The most I’ve heard from him in weeks.

“My dad died last night.
COVID.
Pretty fast.
2020. Hell. On. Earth.”

I responded as best I could. Told him I was there for him.

His father was a kind man.

He didn’t have to die.

Not like this. 2/
It’s Fall 2008, and I’m a resident in Internal Medicine.

I’m attending a forum where I’ve been invited to read from the journal I’ve kept since medical school.

These are my thoughts that have been slowly consuming me.

The documenting of a downward spiral. 3/
I’m growing increasingly aware of a numbness within me. Moments that would move me before, now they evoke nothing.

The crucible of residency is forging me into a cold and unfeeling alloy I never wanted to be.

I write about it, and read my words to others who also know. 4/
I’m a guitarist, and I compare the sensation to the gradual numbing of fingertips against sharp steel strings, as the skin thickens and calluses form.

I want to tear off the calluses so the pain remains fresh, and real.

I would rather bleed on the strings than forget them. 5/
After I finish sharing, the audience is free to speak.

One of the comments I still remember to this day is from Dr. Klemens Meyer, an attending nephrologist.

He rubs his chin pensively.

“Medicine is an art, like music.”

As he speaks, he seems to weigh each word carefully. 6/
“Perhaps it’s only when your fingertips grow callused that you can make the most beautiful music.”

I nod, understanding what he means.

We deaden some sensations only to protect ourselves.

To know something truly, to get to its core, you need both vulnerability and armor. 7/
It’s early 2021.

I received my COVID vaccine.

What felt like a turning point has already receded into memory.

Like a gasp of air before the plunge back under icy waters.

Psychologically I’m back to where I was as an intern.

Completely numb. 8/
When you tell people that care is being rationed, their eyebrows shoot up.

People still have no idea. How bad it is. How bad it’s getting. How bad it’s going to get.

No idea.

Care has been rationed for a long time now. It’s just going to get worse. 9/
We are often making decisions we rarely had to make before, regarding prioritizing limited resources.

Who gets what, and when.

It’s a crushing weight.

A constant burden.

The only thing that breaks through the numbness now and then is the anger. 10/
The quiet simmering fury that occasionally blazes into a full-blown rage.

I’m angry. All. The. Time.

For Tony. For his father. For all of us.

Blood on steel strings.

I can’t hear the music. 11/
Tony texted me again the other day.

“I’ve been struggling recently a lot with anger. This will make it worse. Here’s to hoping I can heal.”

Tony is a good man, like his father.

I hope he heals.

Calluses form.

So do scars.

Sometimes there’s no music.

Just the dying hours.

More from Economy

Long rant: This @WSJ article bemoaning the decline of price theory is really worth highlighting. The economic theories and so called "laws of economics" that the WSJ consistently and religiously defends, are the source of their authority, power and privilege.


So called economic "theories" like "you get paid exactly what you are worth" and "markets are perfectly efficient" and "when wages rise, jobs fall" and "raising taxes on the rich kills jobs and growth" and "increasing justice decreases economic efficiency" and...

"Government intervention in markets always creates more harm than good" and "any regulation that constrains corporations kills growth and productivity", etc etc are effectively a protection racket for the rich. It is a set of internally consistent and mathematized conjectures...

That are all demonstrably nonsense. But getting people to accept these "theories" as laws of nature and immutable, timeless truths is the most effective way our current economic elites have found to maintain and enhance the status of the powerful and persuade the weak and poor...

to shut the fuck up and accept their lot in life. Now, FINALLY, some economists- are actually beginning to look at the real world evidence to determine whether these propositions actually describe anything real here on planet earth. Let me save you some time. The answer is NO.

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IMPORTANCE, ADVANTAGES AND CHARACTERISTICS OF BHAGWAT PURAN

It was Ved Vyas who edited the eighteen thousand shlokas of Bhagwat. This book destroys all your sins. It has twelve parts which are like kalpvraksh.

In the first skandh, the importance of Vedvyas


and characters of Pandavas are described by the dialogues between Suutji and Shaunakji. Then there is the story of Parikshit.
Next there is a Brahm Narad dialogue describing the avtaar of Bhagwan. Then the characteristics of Puraan are mentioned.

It also discusses the evolution of universe.(
https://t.co/2aK1AZSC79 )

Next is the portrayal of Vidur and his dialogue with Maitreyji. Then there is a mention of Creation of universe by Brahma and the preachings of Sankhya by Kapil Muni.


In the next section we find the portrayal of Sati, Dhruv, Pruthu, and the story of ancient King, Bahirshi.
In the next section we find the character of King Priyavrat and his sons, different types of loks in this universe, and description of Narak. ( https://t.co/gmDTkLktKS )


In the sixth part we find the portrayal of Ajaamil ( https://t.co/LdVSSNspa2 ), Daksh and the birth of Marudgans( https://t.co/tecNidVckj )

In the seventh section we find the story of Prahlad and the description of Varnashram dharma. This section is based on karma vaasna.
So the cryptocurrency industry has basically two products, one which is relatively benign and doesn't have product market fit, and one which is malignant and does. The industry has a weird superposition of understanding this fact and (strategically?) not understanding it.


The benign product is sovereign programmable money, which is historically a niche interest of folks with a relatively clustered set of beliefs about the state, the literary merit of Snow Crash, and the utility of gold to the modern economy.

This product has narrow appeal and, accordingly, is worth about as much as everything else on a 486 sitting in someone's basement is worth.

The other product is investment scams, which have approximately the best product market fit of anything produced by humans. In no age, in no country, in no city, at no level of sophistication do people consistently say "Actually I would prefer not to get money for nothing."

This product needs the exchanges like they need oxygen, because the value of it is directly tied to having payment rails to move real currency into the ecosystem and some jurisdictional and regulatory legerdemain to stay one step ahead of the banhammer.