As a guy, growing up, I had precisely zero experiences where I felt like I really emotionally connected with any of my guy friends (this was high school, so of course they were guys), or anyone at all. All we did was play football & videogames, and watch bad action/comedy films.

Then, about 8 years ago, I went to a female acquaintance's birthday party, which was filled with girls actually *talking* and *having fun* with each other. To this day it remains the single most impactful event of my entire life; it showed me there was such a thing as connection.

(What do I mean when I say connection? I'm talking about feeling safe; feeling understood; feeling accepted; feeling loved; and feeling like the other person *genuinely cares* about you as a conscious being. A heartfelt conversation; a deep interest in each other's experience.)

During the years after the party, given that I'd only had this one experience, I found it difficult to find it again. Given a single datapoint, how do you create another like it? Was it girls? The activities? The talking?

As it is said: I fucked around and slowly found out.

(I was still shy & insecure, so I wasn't able to reliably find connection irl yet. A few films became fond markers showing this magic exists: Before Sunrise, The Tree of Life. They were my first hints that other people shared this, and were shouting off the rooftops to find me.)