Aubrey Marcus’s new “poem” joins Mikki Willis’s Election Night Ode (delivered at a prayer meeting for Trump in Austin) to form a new genre we can call Alt-Bro Epic (ABE).

ABE characteristics: 1) It has to sound like a sixth-grade school presentation by a boy who went to a poetry slam once and who has been told he’s God’s gift by life coaches. /2

2) ABE has to use the First Person Plural Omniscient to combine and conflate complex issues in a churning froth of unearned emotion that pretends to be universal while flattening all difference. Bromantic mansplaining that rhymes, sort of. /3

3) ABE positions the wealthy wellness influencer as the jejune bard of cultural and emotional reconciliation, after they have monetized COVID minimization and disinformation. /4

4) ABE must pretend to rise above porn while distorting, sensationalizing, and co-opting issues like CSA and poverty/starvation in the majority world, as well as racism and domestic violence. /5