One of the sad things we know about abusive parenting is that it often propagates over generations.

I’m very glad my grandfather broke that chain and didn’t become his abusive step-father. Because it turns out that supportive parenting *also* propagates over generations.

About the time I was 9 I was pissed at my parents for something or other, as kids are. And I angrily thought, “When I have kids, I won’t do xxx to them.”
And then it occurred to me that I really liked who and how I was, and their rules had helped make me that.
So I decided I probably *should* parent the way they did.

In retrospect, that was probably a bit too much faith in nurture over nature. I was an only child, so I didn’t have a counter example. Having two kids abused me of *that* theory. :)

But I really value my supportive dad.
My father was *so* supportive of my endeavors, even as an adult, that my first wife’s dad asked her if there was something wrong with me that I needed that much support. (He was the dad she had to actively deceive to study math, and to come to the US).
And it wasn’t just big stuff, it was little things. Like when I had a cloth board for my cosmic wimpout game, and the edges were fraying, he surprised me by sewing a border on it. Or the bunk bed he helped me make for college to fit over my desk. And the stereo cabinet we built.
Or when I wanted to paint our scouting trailer camouflage and he got all the paints and helped me draw and paint the patterns. Or his fighting Chevrolet in court to have them fix the engine block in my Vega. Or his helping me build my room in HS so it had hidden closets and bed.
Or his honoring my request for no surprise visits when I was only an hour away at college, but occasionally a bag of cookies he’d made would magically show up outside my dorm room.
Or his happily looking something up for me at 2am when I called him from a college trivia contest.
He wasn’t good with emotions. He never said “I love you” until I was an adult (sadly, I had the same problem). He wasn’t comfortable with hugs. But he showed love so many ways. I always knew he was there for me. To support, help, and explain. And to share in my joy of discovery.
Because of my father I’ve always seen my role in life as enabling my family to explore their dreams and succeed at what they want to do.

I miss him. I don’t think I was half the father he was. But I hope I passed on his supportiveness and love.

❤️ you @shireenhinckley & Shadi

More from Life

1/“What would need to be true for you to….X”

Why is this the most powerful question you can ask when attempting to reach an agreement with another human being or organization?

A thread, co-written by @deanmbrody:


2/ First, “X” could be lots of things. Examples: What would need to be true for you to

- “Feel it's in our best interest for me to be CMO"
- “Feel that we’re in a good place as a company”
- “Feel that we’re on the same page”
- “Feel that we both got what we wanted from this deal

3/ Normally, we aren’t that direct. Example from startup/VC land:

Founders leave VC meetings thinking that every VC will invest, but they rarely do.

Worse over, the founders don’t know what they need to do in order to be fundable.

4/ So why should you ask the magic Q?

To get clarity.

You want to know where you stand, and what it takes to get what you want in a way that also gets them what they want.

It also holds them (mentally) accountable once the thing they need becomes true.

5/ Staying in the context of soliciting investors, the question is “what would need to be true for you to want to invest (or partner with us on this journey, etc)?”

Multiple responses to this question are likely to deliver a positive result.

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This is NONSENSE. The people who take photos with their books on instagram are known to be voracious readers who graciously take time to review books and recommend them to their followers. Part of their medium is to take elaborate, beautiful photos of books. Die mad, Guardian.


THEY DO READ THEM, YOU JUDGY, RACOON-PICKED TRASH BIN


If you come for Bookstagram, i will fight you.

In appreciation, here are some of my favourite bookstagrams of my books: (photos by lit_nerd37, mybookacademy, bookswrotemystory, and scorpio_books)