What motivates us?
What drives us to do anything at all?
Kids spend more time on screens today than ever before.
Do they lack self-control? Or are deeper factors at play?
Letโs unpack the psychology of screens ๐๐ผ ๐ชก
What motivates us?
What drives us to do anything at all?
โข autonomy
โข competency
โข relatedness
We crave these experiences just like our bodies crave protein, carbs, and fats.
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In the same way, if we donโt feed our psyches with autonomy, competency, and relatedness, our mental health suffers.
As @nireyal says in his book, Indistractable:
โSchool, where kids spend most of their waking hours, is in many ways the antithesis of a place where kids feel competence, autonomy, and relatedness.โ
Are kids searching for supplements online because they canโt find autonomy, competency, and relatedness in their offline world?
Letโs unpack this idea further by looking at the daily life of a kid in school.
In school, everything is planned with strict rules. Kids are told what to do, what to think, & even what to wear!
One survey found that the average kid has to follow twice as many restrictions as an incarcerated felon ๐ณ
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They can make choices (like what and who to play with), dive deep into what interests them, and make decisions of their own (like what their avatar should look like).
They experience a lot less adult control and surveillance.
Kids are so different. We canโt expect them to learn the same way or force them into one box.
The recent obsession with metrics, standards, and one-size-fits-all curriculums makes it hard for kids like this to experience competency in school.
They get to teach themselves new subjects, which gives them confidence in their abilities to learn on their own.
Many turn to video games, which are specifically designed to give a sense of competency and achievement.
Parents send their kids to school so they can make friends and develop social skills.
Unfortunately, kids don't have as much time to socialize as they used to in schools.
Packed schedules and extensive curriculums leave little room for them to play and connect.
It's like a huge playground, where people can connect over their shared interests.
Kids can build friendships through free play, spending hours together diving into games and working on projects they choose.
But what about when screen time goes from an important outlet to an unhealthy obsession?
Here are 7 ideas to help kids navigate screen time:
Itโs easy to lay down rules without giving any good reasons, but thatโs a quick way to frustrate kids.
Instead, talk about the costs and benefits of tech. Help them see the issues so they can make good choices even when you're not around.
Say things like, โIt must be hard to be told what to do all day. I bet it feels good to choose what you want to do when you play Minecraft."
When kids feel understood, they're more receptive to new ideas & can plan better ways to spend time
Say things like, โIโve noticed I waste a lot of time on Instagram in the morning. When I wake up, Iโm going to read a book instead of immediately grabbing my phone.โ
Model the proper use of technology. Vulnerability builds trust.
Instead of adding more rules, create boundaries together in a collaborative way.
Spend time with them online and learn to value what *they* value before you start encouraging them to limit screen time.
Give kids the chance to enjoy agency, competency, & relatedness offline as well as online.
Limit adult-led activities. Give them lots of free time, let them explore many hobbies, and organize plenty of playdates with friends.
When your kids are online, encourage them to learn, socialize, and create.
Aim for less Coco Mellon and more Endless Reader; fewer cat videos and more time learning to code; less time watching Tiktoks & more time creating them.
Make sure that when you do ask your kids to say โNoโ to their screens, theyโre saying โYes!โ to something even better.
Make family time so fulfilling and engaging, your kids wonโt miss their phones.
Once kids feel understood, they can start making better choices around how to spend their time.
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