We’ve done menstruation, let’s talk about the menopause! Be…

the menopause. It’s a perfectly natural function of the body but it’s tied up with a thousand stereotypes of women, ageism and ‘old women are frightening’. True, old women are often very frightening to young men because look! A woman who doesn’t give a rat’s

arse what you think of her now all her mating hormones have gone and with it your charm as a potential mate. Now you’re just another annoying lad. That’s gotta hurt. Menopause means Wisdom, like it or not and it’s not always nice or cosy. Old women

are encouraged to refer to themselves as ‘young at heart’ and ‘as young as you feel’ and other such crap and told to ‘never give in to age’ which is ludicrous. Cosmetic surgery is now a thing but I can tell you what the surgeons and marketing

men won’t - it does not make you look young. You’re just an old woman who looks like at best, she’s had a great holiday and at worst like she was was trapped in a wind tunnel. Old is good. Old is meritorious. Old is survival. Old means you didn’t die young

so you’re a winner. Yes the menopause can - but not always by any means - come with annoying and uncomfortable physical symptoms it’s true. But they pass although sometimes - again not always - after a while. But if you survived puberty

you can survive menopause because it’s the same kind of thing but for old women. That’s why old men are often silly, because they’re perpetually adolescent. Old women are Fighting Crones. Menopause means you don’t have the tedious

business of menstruation and you can shag to your hearts content another thing that freaks men out quite often. Your skin will change and your hair will grey. Dying grey hair is a choice but be warned, Aubergine Lights didn’t look good at 25 and it looks

grim AF against old skin. Go lighter not darker. Or be a Grey Witch and embrace the beauty of silver. Don’t listen to morons who say ‘old women are ugly’ they aren’t. Wear a bikini on the beach if you like or go naked. If someone doesn’t like looking

at you let them look at the view it’s what they paid for the holiday for. Some women have an easy menopause and some don’t. But if you feel snappy and annoyed it might well be because the scales Society put on your eyes have dropped away and you’re seeing

the truth of women’s lives at last. If you have a dry vagina due to hormone depletion and it bothers you talk to your female GP and get localised oestrogen. If your face feels dry use a thicker moisturiser than you used to. If you put weight on or

your body shape changes keep as fit as you can but basically, fuck it, you weren’t put on this earth to conform to bullshit stereotypes. Menopause means freedom. You can live thinking it’s a curse or you can go fuck it, my time now. Good luck.