THE SNP'S 12-POINT PLAN FOR AN ILLEGAL REFERENDUM

1. We intend to fool our followers by proposing that we can hold a referendum on Scottish Separation.

2. A bonus is that we can distract them from Sturgeon’s problems in the Salmond inquiry.

3. We'll not tell our followers that we have no legal right to hold a referendum and never mention that it’s a matter reserved to the UK government.

4. We’ll tell them that it’s up to the UK Government to challenge the legality of our actions. Just like someone saying that burglary is not a crime, breaking into your house and then telling the judge it's legal because they said so.

5. We'll not mention that, because it’s illegal from the outset, local authorities, who control polling places, will reject holding it. And The Electoral Commission? Better not say anything about them either.