THREAD:

I just overheard one of the most Millennial breakups, ever.

Scene: the apartment across the alley from me (our windows face)

Intro: High-pitched voice screaming the horror movie scream that can only only be described as "blood curdling"

Young woman: "WHAT'S WRONG?!"

Previous young screaming voice, apparently male: "I DROPPED MY PHONE!"

GF: You scared the shit out of me! What happened?!

BF: I DROPPED MY PHONE IN THE TOILET!

GF: Wash it off!

BF: I CAN'T

GF: It's waterproof. It's fine. Open the door.

BF: IT'S IN THE TOILET

GF: Why is the door locked?

BF: I CAN'T GET MY PHONE

GF: Open the door. I'll do it.

(The boyfriend has been screaming every word in a panic and sobbing)

BF: YOU CAN'T TOUCH IT

GF: What the fuck is going on?

BF: IT'S COVERED IN SHIT IN THE TOILET OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO PUKE

GF: Flush it a couple times and then get it out and wash it off.

BF: (loud gagging)

GF: Jesus did you throw up?

BF: I CAN'T TALK ON MY PHONE EVER AGAIN

GF: Did you seriously just throw up in the toilet on your phone?

BF: (wailing)

GF: (starts laughing)

BF: OMFG NO

GF: Ok, just calm the fuck down, flush it like ten times, and pull it OUT and wash it OFF.

BF: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

GF: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

(minutes of sobbing/can't hear them talking quietly)

*suddenly*

GF: WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING FACETIMING HER YOU ASSHOLE?!