Breaking News:

In a 5-4 decision, the conservative judges on the Supreme Court reject the final death row appeal of a Nazarene minister convicted of teaching Christian Race Theory.

Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson issues blistering dissent, calling it a “crucifixion.”

“I told you she was soft on crime,” says Josh Hawley.

“We can’t have these people teaching these sermons on public mounts, said Galilee Governor Ron DeSatanis. “Telling children to repent for their sins makes kids feel bad.”

33-year-old community organizer and protest leader
Yeshua bin Yusuf, who went by the street name Jesus, was convicted by an all-white jury after his violent arrest resulted in at least one officer losing an ear, according to the police report.

Authorities said his protest organization was really a front for his gang activity. While Jesus confessed that he had about 12 friends who were disciples, he claimed he was not gang affiliated.

“That’s what they all say,” explained Sen. Marjorie Taylor Greene. “He also claimed he was ‘saving’ prostitutes but if you read the message boards, it’s clear he was a sex trafficker. Why else would Mary Magdalene always be around? What do you expect? He was an anchor baby, too!”